I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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