U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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