Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize