I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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