There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
