Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
As shirtless as possible
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize