marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
