i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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