I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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