I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize