; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
