If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i think i have two assholes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
