i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the condom got lost in my hair
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
