it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
