I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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