getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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