This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
