I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize