new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
