thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you will always have a special place in my vag
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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