He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
