Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she told me i tasted like america
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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