Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
