nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I fill condoms, not promises.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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