honey bunches of taint.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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