Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
