i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
