So drunk its hurt
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
