I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
