i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
