Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
