woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
