bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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