And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
