I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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