READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
