having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
