you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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