i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize