I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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