I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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