I think i peed on brittanys purse
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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