and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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