Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
