I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
