somebody snuck up and got me drunk
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize