he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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