if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
