Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
