John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
