unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize