I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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