some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
