where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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