Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
