Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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