Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Gay?
German.
Pity.
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