Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
