she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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