First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
