the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
