Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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