Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
