so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hippo gnu deer
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
