I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
