found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
