I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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