i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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