My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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