woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
