I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
