STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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