that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
