One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
