The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
