Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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