the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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