i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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