My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
