You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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