Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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