Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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